Imbento

swan dive –> this is the reason why my nose ended up the way it is… hehehe joke…

swan dive here refers to my grades now in second year… considering 3 subjects actually…. pharma, surgery and pedia…

i don’t know what happened… well all i can say is atleast i’m not alone…. all the other guys that i’m having a healthy competition with are the same… though i do feel i’m the lowest among them… okay lang…

second year med is definitely harder…. i’ve got 2 more short quizes and 1 more long tests for each to improve my thing… for this shift anyways…. ang bababa talaga grabe… nakakaluha… di maaring ikompera sa nagawa ko sa 1st year. pakiramdam ko tuloy humihina utak ko…. but then… if i keep worrying about this shit… i’ll end up doing worse… so courtesy of a text i received this morning, i’ll just do whatever it is i can do and hope for the best. =)

the text i received was something like this

don’t worry about what could happen in the future. it’s an insult to God’s plan…

now i’m not saying i’m a VERY religious guy… from that phrase, i just see it as follows…

focus on what you can do now and what you can achieve at the present, don’t think about what happened in the past nor what could happen in the future… just do what you can, and hope for the best

so there…. relax lang… sana kaung mga medz ganun din… chill =) pero, kukuwestyonin parin naten ang surgery. hindi maaring hindi hehehe

relationships… NOT…

sizes? nah…

what i’m referring to here is memory (did i spell that right?)… anyways, memory (whatever)… one of the most important talents that you need to get through medschool…. very, very important… one thing that is difficult though is that, some people have good short term memory, and others have good long term memory others, well they have both…

UNFORTUNATELY, i have a very good long term memory BUT a poor short term memory… or atleast thats what i think… why? i could remember stuff that i did months ago or years ago, but i can’t remember the dates… but when it comes to hundreds of different stuff (not to mention extremely alien words) that someone tries to stick in my head for 4 hours, my short term memory just fails me… its crazy…. i don’t know how i’m gonna improve my short term memory… mebbe i should listen more… but then i do listen more just that new words won’t exactly register that quickly to me UNLESS i’ve used it a couple of times myself thus converting it to long term memory….

i can explain to my best extent any process any physiologic or pathologic stuff that i’ve gone through but when it comes to asking me something that is pure memorization like, say, just names or phrases, i would definitely suck at that…

thus in pharma, if you start asking me how it works, i’ll explain it pretty well, but ask me every single freaking name of a drug? i’ll have a hard time with that… but am not saying i won’t try….

i hate memorizing… it sucks… according to a great philosopher (i forgot the name) memorization is the lowest form of knowledge… and i live by that principle… thats why everytime i take a freaking exam that asks me enumerate… i feel that i get stupid each time… my brain keeps saying this sucks whenever i take that kind of exam…

i just don’t see the point in enumeration type of exams… why? because its a no talent thing… it feels as though, i know these stuff but how does it work? why does it work?… it sucks really…. i don’t get challenged by that… it pisses me off… not that i’m doing bad… i’m doing good actually but then… hindi naman ganun ang kukunin namen na exam sa boards ah……….. what the heck is the point?! tendency of the students would be that they would start to just memorize the stuff enumerated but not know the contents anymore… is that good? i don’t think so….

stuff should change… people should change… we can’t live in the dark ages for the rest of our lives… this is not a test of knowledge gained nor is it a test of slowly maturing minds of future doctors…. its just a freaking test of seeing who can memorize the best!

Dilema… meaning its dark… hahaha

actually dilema is dilema as the word itself means as it means… its thursday night… which means tomorrows friday (do you follow) and with friday, it means that theres Medicine decury… WHICH MEANS, its another day of being indirectly, verbally, down graded…

that’s not the exact dilema for tomorrow… actually, the exact dilema would be the grade that i’d be getting from this damn class… i’ve got a feeling that i won’t get a line of 8 in this class… which means i’m doomed….. yare tau dito…. i know for a fact that Lyka does good with her class but man none of them got a line of 8 with the prof that we have… and that, THAT is scary… considering the fact that my grades would swan dive….. i’m doomed….

di ko alam kung ano gagawin ko…. kung ano ang gagawin NAMEN… yun lang

                                                      THE END

i’m very very sick today….

Chief Complaint: Dizziness, DOB

this was one of the worst instances i have ever experienced in school…. and i’m not referring to simply my disease….

i was turning hypoxic… i had difficulty of breathing and my nailbeds were turning blue/purple… my chest hurt and i was trully dizzy…

i was getting scared coz i thought that it could be a heart condition…. buti nalang hindi…

turns out i had bacterial infection of my lower GIT which was causing my watery stools… toxins of which that were absorbed through my GIT probably caused the other symptoms… it was freaking hard…. but this difficulty i suffered today is not exactly what caused me to get PISSED OFF…

what really got me mad today was when i finally decided to get a check up at the school clinic… at first i was still my ol’ joker personally… but then after a while, that joker personality slowly disappeared and covered me with anger….

who did it? THE FUCKING MED TECH!

the intern at the school clinic checked me up and asked me to get a lab exam.. blood and fecal…. i’m pretty sure she was thinkin that maybe i was suffering from a CVD… and fecal exam for the diarrhea… anyways, there i was with Mitch at the laboratory in the hospital…

i TOLD THIS MED TECH GUY that i was gonna get some exam… i even showed him that brown piece of paper that i was holding… he said kuha nalang po kau ng number dyan tatawagin nalang kau… so i did… i was dizzy, weak and i was getting a sensation that i wanted to puke (luckily i didn’t).. Mitch and I waited there for freakin 30mins and FINALLY! my turn… and guess what the mother fucker did!?

he took my request slip and told me to pay! son of a bitch! i told him that i was a student (if it wasn’t obvious enough with my uniform)… he said we still had to pay… what pisses me EVEN MORE IS THAT…. the SON OF A BITCH COULD’VE TOLD ME TO PAY BEFORE I GOT THE FUCKING NUMBER!!!!!! tangina ang tagal tagal namen nghintay hindi rin pala kame maasikaso hangat di pa nagbabayad. ang BOBO NG PUTAH…. i could’ve died right then and there waiting to be tested! pero ano nanyari?! WALA…

the guy was lucky i was so sick that i didn’t have the energy to fight or to yell at his sorry ass… hinang hina ka na, pinaghintay ka pa, tapos hindi ka rin pala aasikasuhin dahil pagbabayarin ka pa…

he better wish and pray that i’m not pissed off anymore tomorrow coz i will set a complaint against that son of a bitch… tangina nya…. dapat sakanya ibagsak sa internship…

so with that, i opted to go home instead and get my check up at the pagamutan bayan at our place… buti pa dun….. mabilis ang service.. and to think its a government institution….

so there i got my fecal exam (i decided not to take the cbc coz i had a feeling its a mere GIT problem)… and wouldn’t you know it i had a bacterial infection thus was given some antibacterial medz and oral rehydration formulas….

hopefully i’ll be 100% tomorrow… =)

it’s 1035 and i just got freakin home!

i’m tired… good thing my feet doesn’t hurt thanks to the trusty comfy shoes i was wearing today….

Freaking traffic in Sta Rosa! GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i thought it would be an easy ride back home… WRONG! it was one heck of a traffic jam…. we rode a jeep right in front of SM and it went ok for a couple of seconds and then suddenly came to a stop.. at first we thought that the traffic was just right at Robbinson’s… again, WRONG!…

good thing the driver told us students to get our butts out of his jeepney and go find another jeepney to ride on….

so there we were, walking from SM and up to Robinson’s… traffic parin… and as we were walking there, we overheard some cop sayin that the traffic was all the way up to Olivarez…. THAT was CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!…. and we believed the damn guy too!… so walked and walked (and walked and walked) till we reached the crossing heading to Sta. Rosa bayan… turns out that the reason for the traffic WAS from the MORONIC TRAFFIC INFORCERS!!!!

man, those guys ALWAYS cause traffic…….. we walked through the dark dusty roads all because of those guys! sheesh!…. that was nuts!… bad part about it was that it was starting to rain too….

anyways, after walking about 2-3kilometers from SM, FINALLY we managed to get a ride going to Biñan… bad part? it went straight into Biñan town proper…. good part? Richard knew the way…

we got off at San Antonio and went through kanluran… by foot!… it was getting tiring… i was even thinking that we’d get a hard time going to olivarez or pacita because there might not be any jeep willing to pick us up because of the traffic… buti nalang meron….

it was an experience… i funny and annoying one in fact…. i get pissed everytime i think of those freaking traffic enforces causing such a massive traffic… magtae na sana sila…

plus…. i wasn’t able to buy that cool jacket i saw the other day…… huhuhuhuhuhu

its practically a new week… its sunday mornin and somehow i feel refreshed… probably because of my early sleep last night…

yesterday we got home early… i was lookin for something to take my mind off all my stresses problems and all other bullshit that happened last week… i tried drawin a concept car… unfortunately it was kinda frustrating… so instead i gobbled up some cake my uncle bought for us… but then it wasn’t actually much of a stress releaser….

so i gave up thinkin about what to do and what i was supposed to do and just went to my room, locked myself up early (830pm), prayed and talked to God ’bout my problems and dozed off into never never land…

i woke up around 6 did all my chores and went to church… and amazingly enough, as though an answered prayer, i felt better… refreshed… like my aunt said when i got back home iwanan mo na problema mo, bangong lingo na… and syempre, tama si tita.

i have been a lazy bum all week long… studying (scanning) subjects for 30minutes to a max of 2hours (yeah, i know, its freaking impossible for me to know everything about surgery, clinical pathology, general pathology and other stuff by reading an average of 2hours a day) thus ending the week really badly…

in other words, i came to realize that the only thing stressing myself out is none other than ME… plus other annoying factors aside from myself…

i therefore admit that i have been too lazy to do what i am supposed to be doing in 2nd year… and that put myself in a stressful situation… everyone has been giving it their all… ako naman, tatanga tanga, nagpabanjing banjing nalang… which was really really wrong…

its a new week… a new window of opportunity for me to be better… another chance for me to NOT disappoint anyone (including myself)… so to my fellow blogsters, i give you this promise…

from this day onwards… DI NA KO MAGPAPAKATAMAD

I’m starting to lose it…

This week has just been really, really, really (really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really) bad for me…

I feel as though I’m at the lowest, if not close to the lowest, turn of my wheel of life…

It is as though my brain (what ever was left of it from last year), has left me…

I haven’t been studying well… usually when reading some papers I doze off after 30mins…

My grades just dropped this week…

Pharma ≤ 4/10

Surgery ≤ 14/20

Medicine according to words of doc… (bagsak ang HPI mo)..huhuhu

The others were kinda ok…

Both patho subjects were a breeze I guess… lakas ng chamba…

But what really gave me big blow to the ego, to my so called confidence and laugh at your problems motto, was that freaking medicine decury… nasaktan ako dun… but comments were good actually.. natuto ako dun…

I guess the real reason why I feel bad about medicine was because, I was careless and stupid… yeah I admit it… katangahan ang pagbagsak ko dun (not the whole subject, just the HPI)…

I mean, everything was in the G&A, I don’t know why the fuck I didn’t look at that damn thing… I recalled everything that was taught to me back in the first shifting for PMCH 1 last year… and I did everything that was taught… atleast I thought I did… end result was a history paper that was really bad… tanga talaga… dang it…

But then in every bad thing that happens in life, there is always something that we extract. We learn best from our mistakes… I made a big mistake… I paid for it big time… and to tell you guys the truth, I’m scared… call me crazy, call me mentally ill but I never like it whenever I flunk at doing something that is easy to achieve… If it was something that was real hard to accomplish, I wouldn’t mind… pero pucha history taking lang nagkalat pa ako…

From what happened to me today, I can say now, that I could extract a history better than anyone else in class from now on… mayabang?… actually I have no proof that I could do it better than anyone else BUT, mind you, when something traumatic happens to anyone of us, it is bound to stick, thus, whatever I learned today from my mistake, would forever be stuck in my freakin head for the rest of my life…

Still thinking why I feel bad about  ONE history?

To put it in a phrase I don’t want to disappoint anyone

A lot of people are actually behind me, cheering for me, have a lot of confidence in me, saying that medicine is a breeze for a guy like me (a guy like me?! What am I an alien?! sheesh)…

everyone back home thinks I’m brainy enough to be at the top of everything… from my parents to my siblings to my aunts, uncles and cousins from both sides of the family…

in school, it’s the same with some of the professors in 2^nd year…

outside of school, there’s my buddies…

at my town, about 3/10-4/10 people know I’m a scholar in med school

in DLSU, ALL my former professors…

sometimes I feel that the pressure is just too much for me to handle… lam mo un, parang ang daming umaasa sa’yo na di mo malaman kung kaya mong panindigan ang tiwala ng karamihan ng tao sa kakayanan mo…buti pa sila ang lakas ng tiwala sa’kin… parang mas kilala pa nila ako kesa sa sarili ko…sa totoo lang, pakiramdam ko ang layo ko sa expectasyon ng karamihan ng mga tao sakin…kaya nga pag may nagsasabi na magaling ako…natatawa lang ako, kase, para saakin, hindi totoo un…

now I’m not saying that I’m close to quitting med school… I want to be a doctor. I really do… in fact I want to be the best in this field… just that sometimes, it gets frustrating when you can’t live up to what most people expect you to be…

there are a couple of things clear to me though… IF I don’t improve my grades:

1. scholarship goes bye bye
2. I might not finish med
3. a lot of people would be disappointed

one thing that I’m hoping for…

that I would not have to take no freakin Zoloft or other psychiatric medications nor that “special formula” thingy by one of the docs…

there i was lyin in the sanctuary of my bed with my head laid nice and comfy on my fluffy pillow… i looked out my window to take a glimpse at the greyish clouds in sky and a second later, i remembered one event that happened to me just last summer…

despite the summer climate, the event that took place was more or less the same with the climate that we have today… i was makin my way to the municipality at our place when i went pass this rather old lady… how old? umm… she’s not old as in she had white hair, dry skin and osteoperosis.. nah… she was kind of an active lookin aging lady… petit, short brown-dyed hair, fair skin.. the lady was wearin a red shirt, one of em cycling jeans and slippers…

i wasn’t wearin glasses at that time but i was almost certain that that lady was lookin straight at me from a distance… and my instincts proved me right again! she approached me in a jolly manner sayin’ o, di na nakakakilala eh, said the old lady… and i was like huh?! with my eyes squinting and my head shakin left and right in confusion…

then she started asking, o san ka na nakatira ngayon?, in my head was sayin, i don’t even know you!!! but out of respect i answered sa bahay parin… but ofcourse i didn’t point where i lived nor did i say where.. then the lady went i used to live near your house don’t you remember?, i was startin to get pissed at this old lady but still i endured and said sensya na po di ko po talaga kita maalala eh

then she started tellin me the story bout her son… she went as follows

pupuntahan na talaga sana kita eh… hindi makakapagenrol ang anak ko… may bukol sa leeg. Cancer daw sabi ng doctor. e hindi daw kaya dito sa pagamutan kaya itatransfer sa PGH. e wala naman akong pangamot… baka may maibibigay ka sana…

hmm… that got me thinkin and it made me even more confused but despite that in my mind it ran what can i give you?! nagtatrabaho ba ako?!…so i just said oh sori po talaga at wala akong maibibigay sainyo

but still the old freakin lady was persuasive! she said, kahit ano pupwede, kahit one hundred o kaya bente pamasahe lang… now i was not about to give no hundred bucks to someone i don’t even know… but somehow, i did give her something… TWENTY PESOS… just to freakin get rid of her…

after she got out of my sight and as i made my way to my primary direction, i was still thinkin if i knew that lady or if she was ever connected to any one of my relatives… i mean, i was born here in carmona but, i didn’t grow up here… a lot of people know me as a kid but i don’t remember anyone who knew me back then… and that kind of circumstance ALWAYS happens to me… but this time, it was different i was in great doubt

later in the evening that same day, i had a talk with my aunt askin her if she knew that old lady that i met that day… she said, hmm… i don’t think she really knows you. was she wearing red?… whoa! she knew the clothes! dang… so i said yea! then she answered back how much did you give her? i said twenty pesos.. then my aunt went like oh then theres no problem then…

turns out… that old lady was actually the towns greatest fuckin scammer… so i just told myself that it didn’t lose anything anyways, whats twenty pesos… but if ever she did that to me again… she’s gonna go to and rot in jail!