Crying…
I’m starting to lose it…
This week has just been really, really, really (really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really) bad for me…
I feel as though I’m at the lowest, if not close to the lowest, turn of my wheel of life…
It is as though my brain (what ever was left of it from last year), has left me…
I haven’t been studying well… usually when reading some papers I doze off after 30mins…
My grades just dropped this week…
Pharma ≤ 4/10
Surgery ≤ 14/20
Medicine according to words of doc… (bagsak ang HPI mo)..huhuhu
The others were kinda ok…
Both patho subjects were a breeze I guess… lakas ng chamba…
But what really gave me big blow to the ego, to my so called confidence and laugh at your problems motto, was that freaking medicine decury… nasaktan ako dun… but comments were good actually.. natuto ako dun…
I guess the real reason why I feel bad about medicine was because, I was careless and stupid… yeah I admit it… katangahan ang pagbagsak ko dun (not the whole subject, just the HPI)…
I mean, everything was in the G&A, I don’t know why the fuck I didn’t look at that damn thing… I recalled everything that was taught to me back in the first shifting for PMCH 1 last year… and I did everything that was taught… atleast I thought I did… end result was a history paper that was really bad… tanga talaga… dang it…
But then in every bad thing that happens in life, there is always something that we extract. We learn best from our mistakes… I made a big mistake… I paid for it big time… and to tell you guys the truth, I’m scared… call me crazy, call me mentally ill but I never like it whenever I flunk at doing something that is easy to achieve… If it was something that was real hard to accomplish, I wouldn’t mind… pero pucha history taking lang nagkalat pa ako…
From what happened to me today, I can say now, that I could extract a history better than anyone else in class from now on… mayabang?… actually I have no proof that I could do it better than anyone else BUT, mind you, when something traumatic happens to anyone of us, it is bound to stick, thus, whatever I learned today from my mistake, would forever be stuck in my freakin head for the rest of my life…
Still thinking why I feel bad about ONE history?
To put it in a phrase I don’t want to disappoint anyone
A lot of people are actually behind me, cheering for me, have a lot of confidence in me, saying that medicine is a breeze for a guy like me (a guy like me?! What am I an alien?! sheesh)…
everyone back home thinks I’m brainy enough to be at the top of everything… from my parents to my siblings to my aunts, uncles and cousins from both sides of the family…
in school, it’s the same with some of the professors in 2nd year…
outside of school, there’s my buddies…
at my town, about 3/10-4/10 people know I’m a scholar in med school
in DLSU, ALL my former professors…
sometimes I feel that the pressure is just too much for me to handle… lam mo un, parang ang daming umaasa sa’yo na di mo malaman kung kaya mong panindigan ang tiwala ng karamihan ng tao sa kakayanan mo…buti pa sila ang lakas ng tiwala sa’kin… parang mas kilala pa nila ako kesa sa sarili ko…sa totoo lang, pakiramdam ko ang layo ko sa expectasyon ng karamihan ng mga tao sakin…kaya nga pag may nagsasabi na magaling ako…natatawa lang ako, kase, para saakin, hindi totoo un…
now I’m not saying that I’m close to quitting med school… I want to be a doctor. I really do… in fact I want to be the best in this field… just that sometimes, it gets frustrating when you can’t live up to what most people expect you to be…
there are a couple of things clear to me though… IF I don’t improve my grades:
- scholarship goes bye bye
- I might not finish med
- a lot of people would be disappointed
one thing that I’m hoping for…
that I would not have to take no freakin Zoloft or other psychiatric medications nor that “special formula” thingy by one of the docs…
July 8th, 2006 at 4:20 am
besfwend.. si narda toh? yung parang ibong kung lumipad? take it easy.. sure you have everything on your shoulders pero dude.. its not that bad.. look around you. their lives are much fucked up than yoyrs.. we havent even gotten to the near of the first shifting yet. okie? we may not be THE SAME literally but things happenen just the same, isipin mo na lang may mas malala pa sayo na kahit idea on how to cope eh wala, unlike you at elast kahit strategy meron.. so chill..