Imbento

its ben a while since i made use of the blog to pour in my emotions…

no no…. i’m not breaking down this time… i’m just…. "thinking"

all my life i’ve been doing what i want… there has never been one person that has forced me to do something that i do not want to do since the day i realized that i had a brain that functioned…

i do what i want to do so long as it is righteous…

by righteous, i mean i’m not breaking any rules, regulations, law or whatever

by righteous, i mean i’m doing things with my own free will to the best knowledge that it conforms with the norms of society (though i disagree with society most of the time)

somehow, for the past few days, i have to admit that i have been in a delema about doing what i want to do… not because someone told me not to… but because i just feel that… i can’t

such occurrences make me feel sick to my stomach… so sick that each time i’m alone, the whole thing just eats me up… makes me wanna puke with hopes that by doing so, i’d feel better…

but it’s more than just a feeling, it’s an innate desire within the substance of the brain… a craving… a desire that needs to be fulfilled

limits do come along with the freedom to choose… what a life… God help us all

Throughout history we’ve heard about wars… from the old-school wars of head-on-clashing of weaponry to the modern biological warfare… in every war there is always the victor… and oh how great the feeling of victory is…

One thing that people neglect to see is that not all victors of war feel all too good about what they had achieved… to make it easier for you guys to understand - not all those who win something, feel like a winner… it is a phenomenon which i would like to call "lost"

why does one feel that way? the hell should i know?

maybe its because they are not satisfied with how they were able to achieve their goals

maybe its because the win or the victory itself is not enough to derive happiness that lies deeper within that individuals subconscious

or maybe its just because the real prize that the victor would want to get is not that associated with the war but something else outside of it…

could be something that that person desires to have but cannot…

something that that person knows is meant for him or her but at the moment is just not meant to be…