Imbento

there are bad days and then there are good days….

and today, is definitely one of ‘em good days…

all month long i’ve been so pissed about not having my scholarship… about being left to hang on clift with one hand while wondering if someone would pass by and help me out…

i’ve been slowly losing my motivation… like a train running low on coal and steam was slowly disappearing… but today, my motivation just got a little boost…

just when you thought that it would just be another day, something comes up to help you take a step further towards a happier day…

just a few hours ago while i was on my way to school, i had a little chat with one of my grandmother’s barkada.. she talked and about her grandchildren who were taking up medicine in Australia (dang… kakaingit)… she told me how hard it was to get into med school there but her grandkids made it! galing!… then she started asking how i was…

Lola Nati: oh musta naman pagaaral mo?

Me: Ok naman po…

Lola Nati: malapit ka na ba gumaraduate?

Me: tagal pa nga po eh… dalawang taon pa

Lola Nati: ah ganun ba? kaya mo yan basta sipag lang at dedikasyon at makakaraos ka din

Me: sana nga po.. o pano ho pasok na ako my test pa po eh

Lola Nati: o sige…

and just after i turned around to walk towards the jeepney waiting at the corner, she said something that kind of made me feel better about the day.. like a sign which said that it would be a good day…

Lola Nati: i’ll be praying for your success…

that’s what she said… i don’t know what you guys would have felt but at that moment, i just felt relieved… free… it was like someone giving you a pat on the back telling you that its gonna be ok… after she said that, i looked back, gave a smile and as i was walking towards the jeepney, i looked up to the clear blue sky and said, hah! you really know how to motivate us….

just when i’ve almost given up hope…. He was there again to save my sorry ass… He was always there…

and true enough, the day was indeed better… when i got to school, i found out that our scholarships were approved! man… that’s a lot of load off my parent’s back…

Thank God…

then after class, we had free pizza! can you imagine that?… i do agree with the saying that the day is only good if you make it good for you but man… this was different, it was a day i had no control of whatsoever… it was all Him…

yeah i know i’m starting to sound like a priest again but… that’s just the way it is… Thank you God… for everything =)

in the courtroom, the one thing that a defendant should always avoid are the inconsistencies between one statement or another. it is actually one of the determitant factors which could set a man free or be put in jail to rot….

everyday we encounter people with inconsistencies… these people tend to make rules, preach about certain things and other stuff which they apparrently don’t even follow…

in this shit hole where i study, i’ve encountered numbers of inconsistencies ranging from the guards, to the students and even all the way up to the administrators… sheesh…

below are some examples:

1. guard told me to cut my hair or else he won’t let me in… i cut my hair only to find several other guys with hair longer than mine within the campus… (my hair was just past my eyebrows but the other guys were able to pony theirs!)

2. schedules set at a specific date tellin you to come on time when the person who actually set it comes in far later (ok, i admit to be late with some of the schedules i set but i do not get late by more than 45mins to 3 1/2hours)

3. let us start early and finish early from 9am to 11am… class started between 1030am and 11am, ended at 1245pm

4. no exams/quizes/long tests for univresity week… we were given one quiz and a major exam

5. wear formal clothes to med night… higher ups who wanted it to be such came in blue jeans

6. tellin students that they’re backed up but actually their pinned down

7. tellin people that you’d be commin but never did

8. tellin people that you’ve done your work but actually have not

9. telling people that money is nothing and the quality of service is important but not actually apply it to his/her own organization

10. make people believe that you’re all that nice using words but in reality, you don’t apply what you claim to be which makes you more rotten than a dead rat floating in an overflowing drain filled with black sewage substance….

those are just some… basically those that make the rules are the ones that are actually breaking them… astig talagang maging higher up the social ladder…

but tell you what, since some of us human beings are being disregarded by assholes that were unfortunately given birth to in this world, we’d do a favor and disregard you as well when the time comes which is about 3 years from now =) by that time, i won’t even consider you to be worthy enough to kiss my ass…

i’ve talked about what Philippines is like for me…. i love it and hate it both at the same time… considering the culture here, yeah it is rather… weird…

this country is a place of both the passives and the actives…. the actives / activists are those that prefer to take action against anything that may offend them or prove them injustice. the passives/passivists on the other hand, prefer to forgive and forget…

most of the time, people around here pare passivists… and when they do turn activist, there’s a point where they turn soft and regress back to being passive… call it an anger outburst which suddenly went off and returned you to your state of resolution…

sometimes on the other hand, Filipinos do go through with their being active and make sure to see things to the end… however, this happens, most of the time, without thinking first of the possible consequences of their action….

in everything that we do, there are pros and cons and there are also our goals. the very first thing that a pro active individual should consider is the goal, the means and the possibility of achieving it. i for one aim for a permanent goal. not something that would last only seconds after implementation of an action…

problems concerning the fiscibility of achieving a goal is highly dependent on the situation and environment. meaning, the factors that tend to limit your capabilities. considering an institution, your goals would be greatly affected by the owner, manager or whatever of your company. further studies concerning these factors would help you realize if you can or cannot achieve your goal… if the institution is corrupt, selfish and all rotten, basically your chances are null.

the above is capable of turning any individual within this country passive… why? because all the work, all the blood and saliva would just go to waste…

you see here in the Philippines, there is just about 40% justice for every individual…. simply because it is a place where it doesn’t matter what you know, its who you know… furthermore, people on top don’t give a rat’s ass about those below, just as long as their capable of maintaining their position of power… so even if they have the power to help you, they won’t just to prevent themselves from being in hot water. aside from that, there are also institutions wherein they don’t give a damn about customers so long as they pay… meaning, going to a restaurant owned by a stingy son of a bitch who charges 1000pesos for 3 chicken wings, you try complaining but nothing happens… you wanna leave but you’re there already paying for your bills and just swallowing the stuff served to you - i.e. you’re bound..

all of us want to make changes in our lives… but sometimes, those changes just seem to be a lil hard to achieve… for some people, like myself, we keep up and try to push for our beliefs, our goals, our rights… but then sometimes, you just feel that you’d end up with nothing because you know that the culture in your location is just the way it is and can never be changed… you may achieve a certain goal now, but in the end, the stuff you worked so hard to change would just come back and haunt you back (possibly stab you in the back)…

yes Philippines is a free country… a country free for people to do injustice to other people!… a country where the corrupt stay in power… a country where those who are righteous are shot in the back for standing out for what is right… i.e. this place is hell

ever been depressed in your life?

probably have… unless ur just a fetus…

anyways, there are many ways as to how an individual copes up with depression… me for example, i’ll just sit in a corner and think… then i’ll sleep and when i wake up i’m all better!

others on the other hand go out drinking, possibly with the aim to drown their worries away..

however there are those that have really really hard times trying to cope up with their depression even as someone who should know a lot about treating such a disorder

these people sometimes turn their depressoin into aggression which they unleash towards unsuspecting individuals or supposedly uninvolved individuals or objects which relates or triggers the depression of the former…

things do not come out right whenver that stuff happens… things are said but the problem is when those said stuff turns into action which may lead to the demise of the uninvolved party… that would really suck…

sometimes we do want to give  a hand towards people who are depressed… but when that individual begins to expect more than just a hand or starts to reject your explanations, that is something else!…. that’s the signal to just step back and let the depressed do their thing….

unfortunately though, most of the depressed sees stepping back as a negative thing (even though they were the reasons as to why people step back)… in otherwords, uncontrolled depression can either be cured or treated by the help of friends that the depressed do not expect too much from or else, it would just drive a grown individual into insanity which may be taken out on innocent little "kids"…

a world without women

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IS HELL!

(wala lang)

"Hail, hail, alma mater, Hail to De La Salle

We’ll hold your banner high and proud

a shield of green and white

We’ll fight to keep your glory bright

and never shall we fail

Hail to Thee our Alma Mater

Hail! Hail! Hail!"

i used to fee embarassed singing that song but y’know what? i actually miss it….. after almost two years in this new school… i miss De La Salle…. for so many reasons which i need not mention here…

the main point is that, i’m sick and tired of the injustice in this new school of mine… it sucks so bad that i could just puke!

i’m not saying that i want a school that prioritizes medicine… heck that’s too much to ask… in fact, it’s stupid! i don’t give a damn if the school prioritizes nursing.. un ang kumikita eh… all i want is justice for students, not only for those from the college of Medicine but for all the other courses as well…

i don’t mind paying complete tuition fee (that is if i could) as long as i get to see, feel and utilize the money i payed for in terms of quality service from the school… like good facilities, clean comfort rooms, support for student organizations, and stuff like that…

what’s the point of putting up a school which neglects providing the not so popular courses with the quality education that they deserve? if you can’t give me good facilities, give me a good conducive environment to study in for crying out loud!

i didn’t feel that way back in De La Salle… after being in this new school… the more i realize how much superior the green and white flags really are… damn… we pay the same amount of tuition as does that school but atleast they provide with something…

there are those who say that its De La Salle is not the place to be for medicine… hell i don’t give a damn… they say that medicine is not prioritized there… like i said earlier that is not what i need… they say that medicine students would not be taken cared of there… am i being taken cared of here?… they say professors make things hard for everyone.. medicine is supposed to be hard… it’s hard here now!… plus, if you guys have noticed, we have to read books just as much as La Salle…

sheesh… atleast in De La Salle, they provide scholarships fairly… they don’t keep people hanging on a thread not knowing if they’d get something out of it or not… when you do your thing, you’re qualified! end of story…

i should’ve been in La Salle…. maybe then i wouldn’t be writing my sentiments here… praying that i’d pass and be 3rd year in De La Salle University - Health Sciences Campus…

hah! proven time and again that my liver is always, ALWAYS, better than any of you guys’ busted liver….

alcohol tolerance has always been higher than an average male filipino… tsk tsk… aint no way you’d get me talking bout optimus prime…

so i failed to notice the difference between an uncapped beer from a capped one but still, i was sane… sheesh… honest mistake! give me a break… two bottles placed right beside each other? come on!

anyways, this is one of ‘em days wherein you get to hang out with a whole bunch of friends that you so happen to not see for such a long time while at the same time, spend some crazy moments with your insane classmates… haha

it was fun… all thanks to jackie lou capili, the host of the party, her birthday party actually….  never would have been posible if she hadn’t organize it in the first place… happy birthday jack! thanks for the party… =)

now jackie has always been like a sister to me… more like a sister from different parents… i love this girl… in a brotherly way… YOUNGER BROTHER WAY to be exact! =) Ate happy birthday!

but the coolest part of the party was that even after several bottles, heck! i walked straight, talked straight and damn well thought straight! hah! i don’t know about some of you guys but hey! my liver’s rate of metabolism is far more better than yours! put that to bet! i’m still sober actually…. my throat hurts a bit but still sober… sober enough to not talk ’bout optimus prime…nyahahaha

life’s always been a mystery to me…

a lot of things happen for so many reasons which we cant really explain….

heck i don’t even know how i’m still alive in medicine!

there are so many things in one’s life that happens so fast that sometimes we fail to even notice that it in fact had happened… but then when you look back at things you start to realize that you’ve missed quite some stuff… (am i making sense here, anyways…)

looking back, i know that i don’t have anything to regret… i’ve done everything and everything which to my own perception is the right thing to do… however, there are still a couple of things that just keeps me going crazy up until now….

there are some things that i can’t get out of my head… somethings that needs closure… those are the things that could drive a man to a corner and just plain ol stare into space without even feeling time pass by…. it is crazy…. i’m crazy…

ever since that event, i haven’t felt the same… feels like i’ve gone stagnant… so stagnant that i can’t move ahead… a part of me wants to go back to how things were but a part of me says that its in the past and that theres no changing it no more…

but then what if i could change things? (i’m not talking about time travel)…. would i be happier? or would it just be a fulfilment of an obsession?

i don’t know how i feel right now…. i have absolutely no idea…… i thought i’ve gone over this time and again but seems like its not enough…… argh… bullshit…. i’ll just sleep hope that this craps over and forgotten when i wake up….

this kid used to have a real cool toy… the kind that an 80s-born kid would really love… an Optimus Prime Action figure!!! now aint that cool?! well anyways, as time passed by, the kid eventually forgot about Optimus Prime and started liking other things…. eventually he got himself a PS3… just as any 2000s-born kid…

so he played and took care of that PS3 like a baby… minus the baths… just then that same day as he was cleaning up his room, he saw Optimus Prime just sitting there… still looking sleak for an old toy… just by looking at it, he realized how much he misses that toy…. he felt like he was a little kid again remembering how it was like the first time he had that toy….

but now, things are diferent… situations are different… hes got something new and while Optimus had no one who’d play em…. he wants Optimus but he’s got his PS3….

options came in and his mom eventually told him that Optimus Prime should just be shipped to Australia where a bunch of kids would be happy having the toy around… but something inside this kid wants the old toy to just be around… should he stop the toy from being shipped? or should he just stick to the PS3 which is there to stay no matter what…. is the feeling that this kid was experiencing really about his past endevours or was it just a feeling of selfishness and inability to just let go?

*sigh*

today is not the right day to mess with me…. i’ve had my temper thingy running for the past week and my fists are getting harder and harder to control….

there are a couple of things that i really don’t want to get from certain people…

1. telling me what i can and cannot do

2. preaching to me crap that you do yourself

3. predict my actions like you’re the writer of a story bout my life

y’know i don’t get it with some mother f****rs…. they just don’t know when to keep their f*****ng mouths shut. i guess its just envy… i mean, what else would you expect from an individual that tries to imitate almost everything about you from the way you work out to the way you fix your hair?!

sheesh… where’s the freaking originality….

at least i’m not a Don Juan (if you catch my drift) trying hard to make people like me….

hell, if people don’t like me, i don’t give a s**t!!! atleast i don’t look like a moron trying to impress others who most of the time would think of me as nothing more than, well, a moron!

its a good thing that i’ve learned (somewhat) to control my temper… nowadays when i get pissed on the spot, i keep my mouth shut and just run scenarios in my head wherein i’ve imiginarily beat the living hell out of that guy that pissed me off… atleast i don’t throw chairs or holler like a b***h and walk out of the room… i play it simple… quiet and somewhat "relaxed"…. the most i’d do is just talk about how pissed i am in my blog… (which, unfortunately for you, is what i’m doing right now)

now about predicting what i am about to do within a couple of minutes or the next few days is another wrong move to make…. the hell do you think you are? you don’t even know me! and unless you already know 50% of who i am, you don’t have any right to predict what i would be doing in the next 5 seconds!

in life there just always have to be those contrabidas that would try to ruin your day by being all cocky and try to mess up your plans… like i said earlier, i guess its just envy… penile envy maybe…. identity crisis kinda thing coupled with delusion of paranoia… *sigh* i pity you bastard! (if you’re reading this) unfortunately for you, you’d never be 1/10 of who i am… wanna know why? because all you’ll ever be is a scum (or maybe you’d prefer cum?)… you just picked the wrong guy to mess with this 26th day of January 2007… you picked a guy who’s good with a pen…. which may be used to make articles about you or used physically against you —- right between your thyroid and cricoid and down your trachea into your right bronchiole!

and before i forget… don’t ever, EVER, tell me not to do things that you yourself do… wanna know why? kung di ka ba naman tanga, do as you preach!